Avery Barbosa-Hayes, “Girl of My Dreams”

Looking around, I can’t see anything. There’s just white, nothing else. It looks like it goes on for miles, maybe more.

I’m scared for a moment until I realize this is a dream. Excited, I look around to find the mysterious person I’ve been meeting in this dreamworld.

When I see her face, mine instantly lights up, and I run to hug her.

“Hi!” I exclaim a little too loudly. She giggles at me and picks me up. I’m sure when we meet in the real world it won’t be this easy to pick me up, but we are dreaming, after all.

I look at her for a minute, trying to take in every feature of her face, hoping that there’s a slight chance that if I can see it clearly in my head now, I’ll be able to see it clearly when I wake up, too.

As usual, we talk for the hours into the night about trivial things, how our lives are, and what’s happening in them. She tells me about her struggles with her family, I tell her about the struggles with my cats. It’s become a routine, discussing our troubles and fears every night.

Eventually, the white world starts to fade, and my eyes widen in fear. She smiles at me, knowing that her smile calms me down. It helps a little, but not enough. I start to panic as she fades from my view, knowing that it could be weeks before I see her again. Gripping her hand tightly, I feel helpless as I watch our surroundings disappear, and her with them.

In a futile attempt to stay in this world, the only one where I feel like I belong, I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter than they were. It doesn’t work, and she waves at me as she fully disappears, and I don’t even notice that I’ve started crying. When she’s fully gone, I open my eyes, tears staining my face.

When I realize she’s gone, I immediately try to recall something about her. Her face, her hair, her clothes, anything. I try for what feels like hours, reaching for any piece of her that might be lingering in my mind. Finally, I can see something. It’s small and faint, but it’s there.

Grinning widely, tears start running down my face at the thought of having something to recognize her by.

Her smile.
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The rest of my morning is better than usual due to the events preceding it.

I energetically follow my morning routine and make my way to the coffee shop where I work, trying to slip in the door without anyone noticing. I’m not exactly the most liked person among my coworkers.

Once I’m sure no one’s seen me, I slip into my apron and hurry out onto the floor to start taking orders. The rest of the day is fairly monotonous, and it passes in a flash. Right before my shift is over, I see a group of teens walk into the store and sit at one of my tables, so I hurry over to greet them in hopes that I can get them dealt with quickly so I can leave. The tallest one has dark hair and a very serious look on his face, so I assume he’s the most mature one in the group, and I walk to his side of the table to avoid the wrath of the others. When I reach him I spew out my normal greeting and ask them for their orders. As I walk away from the table, the unnaturally neon green-haired boy grabs my wrist and spins me around to look at him.

“Sir… do you need something?” I tentatively ask him, uncomfortable with the sudden contact. I rarely touch people, not even for handshakes. He grins at me and starts spewing random cheesy pick-up lines. I sigh and look him in the eye.

“Please let go of me, sir. I need to get back to work.” I try to feign confidence, but I think he can tell that I’m nervous. He ignores me and keeps going, now being more direct.

“Do you know CPR? Because you just took my breath away.” Normally I’d giggle at this, but I’m tired and seriously just want to go home.

“I won’t ask again. Let go of me.” People from surrounding tables start noticing the commotion, but no one does anything. He still doesn’t let go. I assume his ego won’t let him go down without a serious fight.

Suddenly a woman from another table stands up and rips his hand off my wrist. Her hair is a beautiful dark red color with a single black stripe through it. It’s in her face, making her expression unreadable, but I can still feel how angry she is.

“​She said ​hands off.​”  Her voice is filled with venom, and I silently thank her for being so harsh with him. He looks scared and backs away, clearly not wanting to deal with her. I hear him whisper something about “demon lady” under his breath and his friends giggle. I shoot him a warning glare and his trap shuts. However, when I turn around to thank the woman, she’s disappeared. I search for her for a moment, but I can’t see her so I assume she’s left. I sigh in disappointment before turning back to the counter so I can hand my notepad with the orders on it to one of my coworkers and get out of the godforsaken coffee shop. However, before I can do so, I feel a force tugging me backward. I whip around, thinking the blonde boy is trying to take another shot at me, but there’s no one behind me, and he’s still in his seat across the room. I shrug it off and go for the counter again, but something tugs me back again. I glare around the room, assuming that someone is messing with me as a joke. When it happens again, I almost say something to everyone in the room, but when I turn around something is still pulling on me despite no one being there. Out of curiosity, I let it this time.

The force drags me through town to a hill overlooking the large lavender fields. At the edge of it, I see someone sitting there, their hair blowing in the wind slightly. I can clearly see it’s a woman now, and from her side profile, she looks gorgeous. She has a sort of halo floating around her, and it almost feels like her energy replenishes mine that was lost throughout the day. Too nervous to do anything, I stand and watch her from afar, admiring her. After a moment, something makes me unwillingly move forward, almost close enough to touch her. She senses my presence and gets up, turning around to face me slowly. Her hair covers half of her face, so I can’t see all of it, but the part of it that I can see is oddly familiar. Despite just meeting this woman, she feels like an old friend, maybe even an old lover.

“I um…do I know you?” I tentatively ask, not sure what to say. She nods her head slowly, not speaking. I suddenly recognize the black streak in her hair.

“Oh, you’re the lady from the coffee shop! I never got to thank you earlier.” I smile at her, and I swear I see her face redden a little, but it goes away in an instant and I assume it’s just the light.

“U-uh yeah, no problem.” She stutters a little, and I wonder why she’s so nervous. She seemed so confident before, so what changed? She shifts a little and looks like she’s going to say something else, but decides against it.

“Can we go get something to eat as a thank-you? I’d love to chat with you a bit!” I grin at her.

“I-I’m sorry, I really can’t. Thank you for the offer, though.” She starts to walk away, and I sigh dejectedly. I was hoping to learn more about her and why I was so mysteriously drawn to her. Despite myself I yell out to her.

“Wait! Can I at least have your number so we can try another time?”

She turns around, shocked. Her hair flies out of her face for a second, and it hits me who she is. Before she can fix her hair, I catch a glimpse of a large birthmark that goes from just under her eye down to her collarbone.

“I…it’s you…?” I stare at her, wide-eyed. She nods at me and looks down. I’m immediately disappointed, I’d hoped she’d be happier to see me.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier? When you saw me at the coffee shop or just now?”

I bombard her with questions, not understanding why she’d avoided me.

“I…I thought you’d be disappointed.” She sighs, and I look at her with sadness in my eyes.

“You’re gorgeous, why would I be disappointed?”

Her head perks up.

“W-well…” she gestures to her face and I sigh. I walk up to her and brush away the hair covering her birthmark.

“It makes you unique. I love it.” Her face fills with shock and I flash her a smile, hoping she’d return it.

“Why wasn’t it there when we were dreaming, though?” I question, tucking the hair behind her ear.

“You can be anything you want in the world of dreams. I chose to be pretty.” She looks around, refusing to meet my eyes.

“You already are.” She finally looks me in the eyes, and I see her sigh. Looking up at her, I wrap my arms around her tightly.

She doesn’t say anything, she just returns the hug. After a moment she picks me up and spins me around, holding onto me tightly.

Only then does she finally smile, and it shines brighter than I’ve ever seen. That smile that I’ve grown to adore, the one that I’ve longed to see in real life for so long. She giggles a little, and I smile too, gripping onto her tightly while we spin for what feels like hours.

“It’s alright,” she says “you don’t have to hold on so tight.” Smiling down at me, her hold on me strengthens.

“I promise I won’t let go.”