{"id":7602,"date":"2018-06-27T08:30:53","date_gmt":"2018-06-27T12:30:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/?p=7602"},"modified":"2018-06-21T13:17:02","modified_gmt":"2018-06-21T17:17:02","slug":"three-simple-ways-parents-can-practice-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/stress-busters\/three-simple-ways-parents-can-practice-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Simple Ways Parents Can Practice Self-Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"
Do you beat yourself up for being a bad parent? There\u2019s an alternative. Recent research suggests self-compassion may be a resource for resiliency. Explore these three small acts of kindness to build compassion for yourself.<\/div>\n

By\u00a0Maryam Abdullah<\/a>\u00a0<\/span>| April 24, 2018<\/span><\/span>\"Parents<\/a><\/p>\n

When was the last time you beat yourself up for a parenting failure?<\/p>\n

Perhaps your daughter got a D+ on the math test\u2014and you regret some harsh words. Maybe you\u2019re telling yourself that you bungled advice to your fifth-grader about how to handle an annoying classmate. You couldn\u2019t keep your promise to attend your son\u2019s music recital\u2014and there\u2019s a voice in your head telling you that you\u2019re a terrible parent.<\/p>\n

But there\u2019s an alternative to that harsh self-talk: self-compassion.\u00a0According<\/a>\u00a0to researcher Kristin Neff, \u201cself-compassion provides an island of calm, a refuge from the stormy seas of endless positive and negative self-judgment.\u201d As she\u00a0defines<\/a>\u00a0it, self-compassion entails three components:<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst, it requires\u00a0self-kindness<\/em>, that we be gentle and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly critical and judgmental.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSecond, it requires recognition of our\u00a0common humanity<\/em>, feeling connected with others in the experience of life rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our suffering.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThird, it requires\u00a0mindfulness<\/a><\/em>\u2014that we hold our experience in balanced awareness, rather than ignoring our pain or exaggerating it.\u201d<\/p>\n

How is self-compassion related to parenting?\u00a0 A\u00a0recent<\/a>\u00a0study found that self-compassionate parents of adult children with developmental disabilities tend to have lower levels of stress and depression. In a 2015 study of parents of kids with autism, self-compassion is linked to more life satisfaction, hope, and re-engagement with life goals.\u00a0Another study<\/a>\u00a0found that self-compassion may act as a shield against internalizing stigma\u2014the negative evaluations and feelings others have about parenting children with autism.<\/p>\n

A\u00a0recent\u00a0study found that self-compassionate parents of adult children with developmental disabilities tend to have lower levels of stress and depression<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A new study<\/a>\u00a0by Amy Mitchell and colleagues provided Australian mothers with self-compassion resources and exercises, such as imagining how you would support someone else, remembering that you are not alone, and giving yourself a small act of kindness. Mothers who used the resources reported feeling more self-compassionate compared to mothers who did not\u2014and they were less stressed and more satisfied with breastfeeding after the intervention.<\/p>\n

Taken together, these studies suggest self-compassion may be a resource for resiliency and a protective buffer against both internal and external criticism. Can parents learn to be more self-compassionate? Of course.\u00a0 Here are three steps you can take to build compassion for yourself.<\/p>\n

1. Take routine self-compassion breaks<\/h3>\n

During the exhaustion and confusion of being a first-time parent, you may wonder how they even let you leave the hospital with the baby!\u00a0Why isn\u2019t breastfeeding magically easy? Where did you put the diapers? I stink! When am I going to be able to take another shower?<\/em><\/p>\n

Those are the moments when you might try to take a self-compassion break. What does that look like?<\/p>\n

First, accept the moment of suffering with a statement like, \u201cThis hurts.\u201d Next, acknowledge that other first-time parents have felt this way\u2014probably every first-time parent in the history of world! Last, offer yourself kindness, such as by saying, \u201cMay I give myself the compassion that I need as I try to care for my baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s not always possible to take a break when you\u2019re struggling to calm a weeping toddler. In that case, take a moment after the crisis has passed to give yourself a few kind words. Neff also recommends putting your hand over your heart, as a gesture of comfort toward yourself, or even giving yourself a hug. That might sound strange\u2014but try it. See if it helps.<\/p>\n

For additional examples and tips:\u00a0\u00a0https:\/\/www.mindful.org\/three-simple-ways-parents-can-practice-self-compassion\/<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you beat yourself up for being a bad parent? There\u2019s an alternative. Recent research suggests self-compassion may be a resource for resiliency. Explore these three small acts of kindness to build compassion for yourself. By\u00a0Maryam Abdullah\u00a0| April 24, 2018 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9193321,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[313092,241883],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7602","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-image","category-stress-busters"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paB9fc-1YC","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7602","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9193321"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7602"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7602\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7604,"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7602\/revisions\/7604"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7602"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7602"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/healthyhorizons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7602"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}