Letter from Feng Yen to his Brother-in-law
After reading this passage, it made me think about how many times in Chinese culture, marital partners are picked for you instead of it being a choice. We see Feng-Yen in his old age wishing he had left his wife earlier but didn’t have it in him to do it.
In arranged marriages, a lot of times separation or divorce isn’t an option, and for Feng-Yen, it took a tremendous amount of courage ultimately deciding to entirely change his life and becoming a recluse. He even goes on to say he’ll give up all his friends, career, and lifestyle when thinking about separating from his wife.
This narrative is one quite different from what we see here in the US. Divorce, or separation, between two married peoples is something that we see rather often in America with the narrative being focused on the happiness of the people in the marriage rather than solely their ability to provide for their family. In the reading we do see Feng-Yen eventually talk about the emotional toll in his marriage, something highlighted in Chinese literature, but not often addressed in real life.
We finally read about Feng-Yen deciding to rid himself of his wife, consequently bringing him so much shame he feels he must now live isolated from his town. I felt this story highlighted, in Chinese the culture, the strains and hardships of marriage and how often there’s an emotional absence due to the fact marriages have been arranged historically throughout Chinese culture.