{"id":56,"date":"2019-12-18T23:32:28","date_gmt":"2019-12-18T23:32:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/?p=56"},"modified":"2019-12-19T06:28:59","modified_gmt":"2019-12-19T06:28:59","slug":"transcript-of-ep-1-the-mortician","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/2019\/12\/18\/transcript-of-ep-1-the-mortician\/","title":{"rendered":"Transcript of Ep. 1: The Mortician"},"content":{"rendered":"
1\r\n00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,000\r\n[Theme song] This path will lead you to an  unholy place, a cemetery [music instrumental]\r\n\r\n2\r\n00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:16,000\r\nHi and welcome to, Beyond the Grave. I'm  Anna Swenson\r\n\r\n3\r\n00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:21,000\r\nand I'm Haley White. This is the inaugural episode of our podcast and we are\r\n\r\n4\r\n00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:26,000\r\nso delighted to share our love for all things spooky, and\r\n\r\n5\r\n00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:32,000\r\nmaybe you'll also find it interesting. In today's episode we wanted  to highlight\r\n\r\n6\r\n00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:37,000\r\na conversation we recently had with a funeral director and also just\r\n\r\n7\r\n00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:43,000\r\nlike to work in that environment. So Anna, when you think of a funeral director\r\n\r\n8\r\n00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:48,000\r\nwhat is the image that pops into your mind? Usually I think of\r\n\r\n9\r\n00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:54,000\r\nlike an older person, maybe a man or woman kinda decrepit-looking with white hair,\r\n\r\n10\r\n00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:59,000\r\nmight be a vampire. [laughter and wheezing] That's pretty accurate\r\n\r\n11\r\n00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:04,000\r\nhonestly; however, this wasn't the case with Jake Halstead who is a funeral director\r\n\r\n12\r\n00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:10,000\r\nat Crown Hill Cemetery in Indianapolis. Jake is the opposite of what\r\n\r\n13\r\n00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:15,000\r\nyou would envision a stereotypical funeral director to be like:\r\n\r\n14\r\n00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:20,000\r\nfirst off he's younger in age, he has a wonderful personality, and an overwhelmingly great\r\n\r\n15\r\n00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:25,000\r\nsense of humor. His passion for his career is inspiring and in our conversation\r\n\r\n16\r\n00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:30,000\r\nwith him it really really showed. In this episode will cover how we came\r\n\r\n17\r\n00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:36,000\r\ninto this profession funny stories the lifestyle of a funeral director and\r\n\r\n18\r\n00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:41,000\r\nshows thoughts on cremains floating in outer space. What's up Elon Musk! Before\r\n\r\n19\r\n00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,000\r\nwe go on, we would like to preface this podcast episode with a cautionary warning due to some intense details\r\n\r\n20\r\n00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:51,000\r\nand sensitive topics in regards to death. We hope you stick around and\r\n\r\n21\r\n00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:58,000\r\nenjoy!\r\n\r\n22\r\n00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:03,000\r\nTypically what is your general lifestyle like? This job isn't just\r\n\r\n23\r\n00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:09,000\r\nyou know, a nine to five job, it's actually more of a lifestyle. So that's one thing that I've\r\n\r\n24\r\n00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:14,000\r\nfound that for people coming into this career. They're like \" Oh you know I'm gonna work at a funeral home you know nine\r\n\r\n25\r\n00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:19,000\r\nto five and hang out with you know cool you know tell my friends I'm a mortician\r\n\r\n26\r\n00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,000\r\nwell actually yeah that's part of it and you get that title and you know you can earn that and some people\r\n\r\n27\r\n00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:29,000\r\nthink it's weird some people think it's respectful but it's\r\n\r\n28\r\n00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:35,000\r\nnot just something you come to work and you go home and enjoy normal life. I can't come here and meet\r\n\r\n29\r\n00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:40,000\r\nfamily and then go out drinking at the bars around here and make a fool of myself because I might have just served\r\n\r\n30\r\n00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:46,000\r\none of those families that I'm out drinking with now. Or if I make a fool of myself\r\n\r\n31\r\n00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:51,000\r\nor I'm just being dumb in public, I have to keep in mind that I might be seeing\r\n\r\n32\r\n00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:56,000\r\nthis person tomorrow for their deceased loved one. We're on-call twenty four hours\r\n\r\n33\r\n00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:01,000\r\na day every day of the year there's no such thing is a really true day off\r\n\r\n34\r\n00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:07,000\r\nfor anyone in the funeral business. So what do those on-call hours look like?\r\n\r\n35\r\n00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:12,000\r\nSo it's all situational, so obviously you can't really\r\n\r\n36\r\n00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:18,000\r\ncontrol when, where, or how someone passes, at least not in the state of Indiana.\r\n\r\n37\r\n00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:23,000\r\nSo say it's 2 in the morning, I'll get a call on my cell phone\r\n\r\n38\r\n00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:28,000\r\nfrom our answering service saying \"hey Jake there's been a passing\" and then they'll\r\n\r\n39\r\n00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:33,000\r\ntext me the information. Of course. So they'll send me everything they've gathered\r\n\r\n40\r\n00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:38,000\r\nfrom whoever has called them in. However it is tough for a funeral director to go\r\n\r\n41\r\n00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:43,000\r\nout and removal at 2 a.m. and then to meet the family the next morning\r\n\r\n42\r\n00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:48,000\r\nwith you know, no sleep. So that's how the smaller funeral homes operate. At Crown\r\n\r\n43\r\n00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:53,000\r\nHill like I said, thankfully I don't have to do that. We have a transfer team so I'm able to go ahead\r\n\r\n44\r\n00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:58,000\r\nand talk to the family over the phone at night, send out our transfer team to pick up the deceased,\r\n\r\n45\r\n00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:03,000\r\nand bring into them our care. Then I can continue to get my rest come in the morning and be fully\r\n\r\n46\r\n00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:09,000\r\nrejuvenated to meet that family. When you've gone out on these removals, what is that like?\r\n\r\n47\r\n00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:14,000\r\nIt's different each time like I said every case is different\r\n\r\n48\r\n00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:19,000\r\nand it's really kind of a humbling experience.\r\n\r\n49\r\n00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:24,000\r\nFirst off, you're being let into someone's house that you've never met before so these\r\n\r\n50\r\n00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:30,000\r\npeople are trusting you, and they've never met me all they know is\r\n\r\n51\r\n00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:35,000\r\nthat I work for the funeral home. You walk in and then you introduce yourself\r\n\r\n52\r\n00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:40,000\r\nand then you just kinda talk to them, and you don't want to jump right into \"alright you know, where are\r\n\r\n53\r\n00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:45,000\r\nthey? Let's go pick them up?\" At least that's not how I do it\r\n\r\n54\r\n00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:50,000\r\nor recommend people to do that. [laughter] Typically you would walk in, introduce yourself,\r\n\r\n55\r\n00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:56,000\r\nand then find out who the next of kin is, or who the person who made the phone call is because sometimes\r\n\r\n56\r\n00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:01,000\r\nthe spouse they might not even want to talk to you. They're just\r\n\r\n57\r\n00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:06,000\r\nlike \"Hey call the funeral home and you guys just handle it.\" So really it just depends.\r\n\r\n58\r\n00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:11,000\r\nTypically it's a very quiet time. Unless it was\r\n\r\n59\r\n00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:16,000\r\nexpected or that the person has been sick for a while. Sometimes we call those\r\n\r\n60\r\n00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:21,000\r\na blessing in disguise. If someone's been terminally ill or something, really that\r\n\r\n61\r\n00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:27,000\r\npassing is kind of a blessing for everybody. The person the longer in pain or anything\r\n\r\n62\r\n00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:32,000\r\nand you can definitely tell the difference between those families when you first walk in and get there because they're more like \"Hi\r\n\r\n63\r\n00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:37,000\r\nnice to meet you!\" but for the ones where it's kinda unexpected or\r\n\r\n64\r\n00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:42,000\r\nif they've been married for\r\n\r\n65\r\n00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:47,000\r\nsixty or seventy years, in those cases it's more just kinda\r\n\r\n66\r\n00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:54,000\r\nlike the person is just lost and you're there to guide them when you can.\r\n\r\n67\r\n00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:59,000\r\nIt's really humbling experience. You have to go into a different mindset too,\r\n\r\n68\r\n00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:05,000\r\nsay it's one where it's unexpected, which is usually the case, you can't allow yourself\r\n\r\n69\r\n00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:10,000\r\nto feel like the sadness that you're surrounded by because they're\r\n\r\n70\r\n00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:15,000\r\nthey're looking at you for direction they're looking at you \"Okay. What happens next\r\n\r\n71\r\n00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:21,000\r\nwhat do we do?\" and yeah you can be empathetic but\r\n\r\n72\r\n00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:26,000\r\nyou don't wanna be sympathetic. If you become sympathetic, which is not a bad thing,\r\n\r\n73\r\n00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:31,000\r\nbut you're going to be just as sad and as  lost as  these people you're serving. However\r\n\r\n74\r\n00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:37,000\r\nif you're empathetic, you understand what they're going through and you're able to help coordinate\r\n\r\n75\r\n00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:42,000\r\nand direct them, then that's a whole new experience with the family. They're able to pick up on\r\n\r\n76\r\n00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:47,000\r\nand be like \"That funeral director was as emotional as us.\" But if you're there and help guide and\r\n\r\n77\r\n00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:52,000\r\ndirect them. That's more of a \"Oh wow that director really helped us through this\r\n\r\n78\r\n00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:58,000\r\nprocess and really made it a smooth transition for us.\"\r\n\r\n79\r\n00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:03,000\r\nSo, it's kind of odd to be in this business. How did\r\n\r\n80\r\n00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:08,000\r\nyou get into it? So I actually started when I was\r\n\r\n81\r\n00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:13,000\r\nin high school. My grandfather was making his pre- arrangements. He had pancreatic\r\n\r\n82\r\n00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:18,000\r\ncancer and the funeral director came out to the house that's down in Mooresville, Indiana.\r\n\r\n83\r\n00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:23,000\r\nAnyway I just happen to be helping him with yard work, you know being the nice little grandson\r\n\r\n84\r\n00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:28,000\r\nthat I was, and he paid me. [laughter] Bu I came in to get some water and overheard\r\n\r\n85\r\n00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:33,000\r\nthe conversations that they were having and I was like, \"Well that's interesting!\" I got curious.\r\n\r\n86\r\n00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:38,000\r\nSo I went and sat down and listened to what the funeral director and my grandfather were saying and\r\n\r\n87\r\n00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:44,000\r\nat the end of it, I started asking questions. And then the funeral director was like \"Well Jake, do you have your driver's license?\"\r\n\r\n88\r\n00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:49,000\r\n\"Yes sir.\" \"Do you have a job this summer?\" And I said \"No sir.\" \"Well would you want to come work for me?\" Then I said \"Okay\r\n\r\n89\r\n00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:54,000\r\nsir.\" That was really my first ever job ever, working for the senior home.\r\n\r\n90\r\n00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:59,000\r\nSo he (the funeral director) saw what I was doing with the landscaping. And so that was my first\r\n\r\n91\r\n00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:04,000\r\njob at the funeral home. I was doing the landscaping and the flowers and also taking care of all the maintenance\r\n\r\n92\r\n00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:09,000\r\nand everything. Then essentially they then actually worked me indoors to where I was then helping out on visitations and services, you know\r\n\r\n93\r\n00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:15,000\r\nbeing a greeter. From there, I then started helping out what we call the removal transfers.\r\n\r\n94\r\n00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:20,000\r\nThen I start helping out in what's called the preparation room, or the embalming room. I'm getting\r\n\r\n95\r\n00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:25,000\r\nexperience there, didn't embalm or anything but I just kind of helped\r\n\r\n96\r\n00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:30,000\r\nwith dressing and stuff like that. Stuff that you don't have an embalmer's license for.\r\n\r\n97\r\n00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:36,000\r\nThen after that I just kinda took off with it. I start jumping around\r\n\r\n98\r\n00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:41,000\r\nlooking for different funeral homes. I got picked up by the biggest one\r\n\r\n99\r\n00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:47,000\r\nin Indiana actually. They helped me get through school and did my internship\r\n\r\n100\r\n00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:52,000\r\nwith them and eventually left there. Now when you're\r\n\r\n101\r\n00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:57,000\r\nmeeting people for the first time, or hanging out acquaintances how do\r\n\r\n102\r\n00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:02,000\r\nthey react when they find out that you're a funeral director? I get a lot of different\r\n\r\n103\r\n00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:07,000\r\nresponses. Usually I'm out with friends or something and they're introducing me to their friends or meeting\r\n\r\n104\r\n00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:13,000\r\nnew people. They never guess that I'm a funeral director. That's like the last thing they would guess\r\n\r\n105\r\n00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:18,000\r\nand a lot of that too is because the industry is changing and we're just now starting to see a lot of the younger people\r\n\r\n106\r\n00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:24,000\r\nin there closer to my age come in and start you know being funeral directors. A lot of people at least in\r\n\r\n107\r\n00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:29,000\r\nmy experience, when they think of a funeral director they think of the old white haired or gray haired man\r\n\r\n108\r\n00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:34,000\r\nor woman that kind of is little creepy and weird. Then when people meet me they're like \"Oh well we meet you Jake and you're like\r\n\r\n109\r\n00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:43,000\r\nhappy!\" [laughter] Yeah you know I'm a normal person I just work in a funeral home.\r\n\r\n110\r\n00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:48,000\r\nYeah it's changed my family conversation and they comment on how our dinner conversations have changed. Our\r\n\r\n111\r\n00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:53,000\r\ndinner conversations changed once I got into the business because then you know you can share\r\n\r\n112\r\n00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:58,000\r\nstories and be like \"Oh this happened today and oh my gosh you know this happens.\"\r\n\r\n113\r\n00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:03,000\r\nSo what are some of the dinner conversations? So this is when I was working at Flanner\r\n\r\n114\r\n00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:08,000\r\n; there was a younger child that passed away and his\r\n\r\n115\r\n00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:14,000\r\nfamily didn't want him to be alone in the funeral home overnight. So they did the traditional,\r\n\r\n116\r\n00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:19,000\r\nwhat we call, visitation service. So since again the family didn't want the child to\r\n\r\n117\r\n00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:24,000\r\nbe alone, I had to stay the night. I didn't have to but I was given the opportunity\r\n\r\n118\r\n00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:29,000\r\nto stay the night at the funeral home with the child. I stayed in the same room\r\n\r\n119\r\n00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:34,000\r\nas him all night and just brought up the couch and slept .about two feet away from him\r\n\r\n120\r\n00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:39,000\r\nThe family came in the next morning and I was still asleep. [laughter] They didn't  want to bother\r\n\r\n121\r\n00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:44,000\r\nwaking me up, which I'm still upset about to this day but I didn't fall asleep until\r\n\r\n122\r\n00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:50,000\r\nyou know midnight just because those couches weren't the most comfortable, but the family appreciated\r\n\r\n123\r\n00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:55,000\r\nso much that you know I stayed at the funeral home and did that for them. They actually live around where I live\r\n\r\n124\r\n00:10:55,000 --> 00:11:00,000\r\nnow and if I see them in the grocery store, they'll come up and be like, \"Jake! How are you doing?\" And\r\n\r\n125\r\n00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:06,000\r\nactually a majority of the families where they see you outside of work, they will usually come out and just be like\r\n\r\n126\r\n00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:12,000\r\n\"Hey how are you doing? It's nice to see you somewhere outside of the funeral home.\" Additionally,\r\n\r\n127\r\n00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:17,000\r\ndo any of those dinner conversations that you have with your friends or family\r\n\r\n128\r\n00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:22,000\r\nand include ghosts? Do you believe in ghosts? Honestly I don't really have an answer to that because\r\n\r\n129\r\n00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:27,000\r\nthere's some stuff that personally I have experienced\r\n\r\n130\r\n00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:32,000\r\nbut I'll  try  to  logically be like \"Okay this happened because of this.\" Then sometimes\r\n\r\n131\r\n00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:38,000\r\nthere are times where I don't believe that was the case. There's been times when I've been at certain cemeteries\r\n\r\n132\r\n00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:43,000\r\nand then you can hear your name being called and think that it is kinda weird.\r\n\r\n133\r\n00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:48,000\r\nI've only had that happen twice and one of the cemeteries was down in Kentucky but there was no one\r\n\r\n134\r\n00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:54,000\r\npresent that would have known my name, other than the family and they were all gone. So it was just kinda like a weird\r\n\r\n135\r\n00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:59,000\r\nsituation. There was one instance where sometimes we'll listen\r\n\r\n136\r\n00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:04,000\r\nto the radio while dressing people or doing a transfer\r\n\r\n137\r\n00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:09,000\r\nand have soft music playing. Well there's one instance when we were getting someone ready and\r\n\r\n138\r\n00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:15,000\r\nyou know Marilyn Manson? Well that artist\r\n\r\n139\r\n00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:20,000\r\ncame on the radio. The person we were getting ready was like a hardcore Catholic,\r\n\r\n140\r\n00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:25,000\r\nand this never happened before, but all of a sudden the power to the radio shut off as soon as\r\n\r\n141\r\n00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:30,000\r\nthis Marilyn Manson guy started singing, the electricity started having issues in the room and we\r\n\r\n142\r\n00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:36,000\r\nliterally like all kinda freaked out. Like \"Woah what's going on?\" and\r\n\r\n143\r\n00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:41,000\r\nwe couldn't get the radio to work or anything after that. Then after we had the person\r\n\r\n144\r\n00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:46,000\r\nfully dressed and out of the room where they're supposed to be, the next day\r\n\r\n145\r\n00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:51,000\r\nwe had no issues with the radio and we never had any other issues with it ever again after that. So it's\r\n\r\n146\r\n00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:56,000\r\nkinda just like we all got this feeling like \"Wow this person really did\r\n\r\n147\r\n00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:01,000\r\nnot want that music playing.\" [laughter] How has working in this industry\r\n\r\n148\r\n00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:07,000\r\naffected you? What it did for me at least was it made everyone\r\n\r\n149\r\n00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:12,000\r\nequal.  So at an early age, because you know in high school you got your cliques and all that kinda\r\n\r\n150\r\n00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:17,000\r\nstuff, but especially again with me doing this as early as I did kinda became\r\n\r\n151\r\n00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:22,000\r\na loner. I would sit back and I see that all these groups of people that would\r\n\r\n152\r\n00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:28,000\r\nconform together. You know you have your jocks over there, your skaters over here, and\r\n\r\n153\r\n00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:33,000\r\nI was just an early age it opened my eyes to know that we're all just kids. Like, there's\r\n\r\n154\r\n00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:38,000\r\nno difference and I wouldn't know why these guys are even are arguing about. It just kind of made a lot of\r\n\r\n155\r\n00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:43,000\r\nmaterial things just seems insignificant. What makes this job worth it for you?\r\n\r\n156\r\n00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:48,000\r\nI love meeting new people! That's one of the aspects, is you know you get to meet\r\n\r\n157\r\n00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:53,000\r\nhundreds if not thousands of people every year. The big thing for me\r\n\r\n158\r\n00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:58,000\r\nis when you are finished with the services and you lay someone to rest,\r\n\r\n159\r\n00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:04,000\r\nknow you get people coming in and doing funeral arrangements that are going through all different types of stages\r\n\r\n160\r\n00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:09,000\r\nof grief. So if they're in anger stages. I have been called an asshole,\r\n\r\n161\r\n00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:14,000\r\nsoulless,  heartless,  but that's just them again\r\n\r\n162\r\n00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:19,000\r\nin the anger moment and the same people that call me these names, at the end of\r\n\r\n163\r\n00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:25,000\r\nthe process, they're the ones giving you a hug afterward saying thank you or apologizing.\r\n\r\n164\r\n00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:32,000\r\nThe men usually don't apologize but they'll  shake your hand and say \"You get did good.\" [laughter]\r\n\r\n165\r\n00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:37,000\r\nThat's the big thing, most rewarding thing is that the end, is where,\r\n\r\n166\r\n00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:42,000\r\nespecially if they're like cussing you out during the arrangements, you gotta learn just to take with a grain of salt\r\n\r\n167\r\n00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:47,000\r\nand not cuss them back out. [laughter] But\r\n\r\n168\r\n00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:53,000\r\nyou know they're going through a rough time and you gotta put yourself in their shoes. Like I said, be empathetic\r\n\r\n169\r\n00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:58,000\r\nand just remember what it was like for you when you lost your loved one and then kinda you know just go with it.\r\n\r\n170\r\n00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:04,000\r\nI guess the majority the time though most people give you a hug and it just really\r\n\r\n171\r\n00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:09,000\r\nreaffirms why you're in this business and it's to help these people through one of the worst times in their lives.\r\n\r\n172\r\n00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:15,000\r\nI like to make people smile and laugh and with the arrangements,\r\n\r\n173\r\n00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:20,000\r\nyou know how to judge the room and see. With some families you can joke around with and not like fully\r\n\r\n174\r\n00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:25,000\r\nor make snide comments or if they start teasing\r\n\r\n175\r\n00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:31,000\r\nyou a little bit you know you can banter back and forth. My icebreaker is just \"My name is Jake.\"\r\n\r\n176\r\n00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:37,000\r\nThey always bring up the Jake from State Farm. I mean, sometimes I do wear khakis. So that plays\r\n\r\n177\r\n00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:42,000\r\nright along with that and I can usually judge right off the get go if someone says \"Oh Jake! from State Farm!\"\r\n\r\n178\r\n00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:47,000\r\nand if they look at my pants and they're like \"Oh you're wearing khakis!\" then I can automatically tell that this is a family\r\n\r\n179\r\n00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:52,000\r\nthat I can be a little more loose with and I can probably build more of a little more relationship right off\r\n\r\n180\r\n00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:58,000\r\nthe bat and just make it kind of like this lighthearted arrangement. Then you have the ones\r\n\r\n181\r\n00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:03,000\r\nare like \"Okay we wanna get done and get this over with.\" and those ones you have to adjust and again,\r\n\r\n182\r\n00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:08,000\r\nmeet their needs because there is nothing wrong with them wanting to do that. I just\r\n\r\n183\r\n00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:13,000\r\nnaturally want to go ahead and make them laugh and smile. But for that person,\r\n\r\n184\r\n00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:18,000\r\nthe best thing for me to do would be to not do that and just to help them get through this as quickly as possible.\r\n\r\n185\r\n00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:24,000\r\nHas your grandfather passed? He has. I was actually at Indiana State University\r\n\r\n186\r\n00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:29,000\r\nstudying grief psychology when he passed. So originally\r\n\r\n187\r\n00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:35,000\r\nwhen I graduated high school and I left that small town funeral home. I went over to Indiana State and\r\n\r\n188\r\n00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:40,000\r\nI wanted to get my psychology degree so I could do funeral directing and offer grief\r\n\r\n189\r\n00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:45,000\r\ncounseling. However I learned I could get my mortuary degree\r\n\r\n190\r\n00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:50,000\r\nin half the time I could get my psychology degree. I was like shoot, I'll just go ahead and get\r\n\r\n191\r\n00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:56,000\r\nmy mortuary degree and then if I want to go back in school to finish up my psychology degree\r\n\r\n192\r\n00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:01,000\r\nI'll just use the funds I make from being a funeral director to do that. So while I was at ISU was\r\n\r\n193\r\n00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:06,000\r\nwhen he passed during my freshman year of college.\r\n\r\n194\r\n00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:11,000\r\nSo about seven or eight years ago now.\r\n\r\n195\r\n00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:16,000\r\nWell it was rough. Personally just because was it my grandfather and I was really close with him and I felt\r\n\r\n196\r\n00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:21,000\r\nhorrible that I wasn't there because I just saw him the day before and I could have stayed\r\n\r\n197\r\n00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:27,000\r\nbecause he died on a weekend. But I went back to go to a party at ISU and he told me to go back and\r\n\r\n198\r\n00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:32,000\r\nso just for me personally I was like wow, like I could've been there when he passed but instead I was being\r\n\r\n199\r\n00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:37,000\r\nstupid. That for me made it\r\n\r\n200\r\n00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:42,000\r\nreal hard and actually I still regret that to this day but when I came back\r\n\r\n201\r\n00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:48,000\r\nto help with the services, so they did use the funeral home where he had made prearrangements for,\r\n\r\n202\r\n00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:53,000\r\nand they let me help coordinate the service: let me close the casket and let\r\n\r\n203\r\n00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:58,000\r\nme do a lot of kinda behind-the-scenes work,\r\n\r\n204\r\n00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:03,000\r\nwhich was awesome just to have that experience and know that be able to see that\r\n\r\n205\r\n00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:09,000\r\nfrom the very beginning to the end is that my grandfather was well taken care of.\r\n\r\n206\r\n00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:15,000\r\nI will say though during the visitation I kind of just went numb\r\n\r\n207\r\n00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:20,000\r\neverywhere, which most people and most families do anyway when they were close.\r\n\r\n208\r\n00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:25,000\r\nAfter I initially want numb I went to work mode. I didn't want to sit there with people saying \"Oh Jake we're so sorry for your loss.\"\r\n\r\n209\r\n00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:30,000\r\nSo instead I was like, my grandfather is just around the corner here.\r\n\r\n210\r\n00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,000\r\nI actually ended up being more of a greeter during the visitation service just because that felt like\r\n\r\n211\r\n00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:41,000\r\nthe natural thing for me. If I did sit down,\r\n\r\n212\r\n00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:46,000\r\nI would start getting all antsy and that's when all the emotions you know would pick\r\n\r\n213\r\n00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:51,000\r\nup and then I would start greeting again. Did your background studying psychology\r\n\r\n214\r\n00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:56,000\r\nin university help at all with the passing of your grandfather. Well\r\n\r\n215\r\n00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:02,000\r\nthat was another thing. I could tell what was happening and what I was going\r\n\r\n216\r\n00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:07,000\r\nthrough and instead of just dealing with it, I was it was like no I don't I don't wanna deal\r\n\r\n217\r\n00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:12,000\r\nwith it, I'm just gonna internalize it and work. I did a great job of that until the end\r\n\r\n218\r\n00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:17,000\r\nof the service. When people started passing by the casket one last time, I lost it.\r\n\r\n219\r\n00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:23,000\r\nI just bawled like right in public front of this huge church and\r\n\r\n220\r\n00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:28,000\r\nit was kind of embarrassing looking back just because like I had I thought\r\n\r\n221\r\n00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:33,000\r\nlike I'd been the strong one for my entire family the whole time because they had been coming to me for questions and\r\n\r\n222\r\n00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:38,000\r\norganizing stuff. Then you know at the end is when it just\r\n\r\n223\r\n00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:43,000\r\nbecame overwhelming and just kinda hit me all once like a tidal wave. Once we got out the cemetery\r\n\r\n224\r\n00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:48,000\r\nI was back to normal. I think\r\n\r\n225\r\n00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:54,000\r\nit helped with learning psychology and working in the funeral business you\r\n\r\n226\r\n00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:59,000\r\nget really good at internalizing things. So like\r\n\r\n227\r\n00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:04,000\r\neven in my personal life something can really tick me off or really upset me but you'll never\r\n\r\n228\r\n00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,000\r\nknow just because I'm so adept at not showing emotions or anything.\r\n\r\n229\r\n00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,000\r\nFor these families you can't. So like if the family says something that really offends\r\n\r\n230\r\n00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:19,000\r\nme, which really nothing should offend any of us because we're funeral directors and\r\n\r\n231\r\n00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:25,000\r\nwe're exposed to everything. [laughter] But if someone did say something that was very offensive, you just have to\r\n\r\n232\r\n00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:30,000\r\ninternalize that. You can't you know say the same thing to that person because they're going through a rough time and\r\n\r\n233\r\n00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:35,000\r\nyou don't know the story. You know how people are like \"You don't know me.\" Well clearly we\r\n\r\n234\r\n00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:40,000\r\ndon't know you. So if you were to say something and it angered me, I'm not gonna\r\n\r\n235\r\n00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:45,000\r\ntell that to you because I'm helping you through one of the worst times in your life.\r\n\r\n236\r\n00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:51,000\r\nAnd I might not agree with your opinion but I'm not gonna voice that. I just say okay and move on. [laughter]\r\n\r\n237\r\n00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:56,000\r\nSo what do you do to cool off after a long day of funeral directing?\r\n\r\n238\r\n00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:02,000\r\nActually I have walked the entire length of the cemetery. It took me about two hours\r\n\r\n239\r\n00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:08,000\r\njust so I did like the outer part. We do a lot of like 5ks and stuff there here so\r\n\r\n240\r\n00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:13,000\r\nthat's fun to do too. So there is a grave out there that has two broomsticks\r\n\r\n241\r\n00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:18,000\r\nthat are stuck into the ground on either side and I'm trying to figure out what the story is on\r\n\r\n242\r\n00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,000\r\nthat. Usually that's either for someone that wiccan or something\r\n\r\n243\r\n00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:29,000\r\nsome kind of faith. There's interesting sights you can see from people putting\r\n\r\n244\r\n00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:34,000\r\nmemorial items on their graves. So this is  kind of a funny question but have\r\n\r\n245\r\n00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:39,000\r\nyou seen any peculiar people around the cemetery? Ones that you call the cops\r\n\r\n246\r\n00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:44,000\r\non? Well during the race day (Indy 500) we did get some peculiar people out here that\r\n\r\n247\r\n00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:50,000\r\napparently thought the race and the parties were here in the cemetery. [laughter] But again everyone\r\n\r\n248\r\n00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:55,000\r\nyou know grieves and celebrates life differently. So these people they\r\n\r\n249\r\n00:21:55,000 --> 00:22:01,000\r\nwere at the person's gravesite who they lost a loved one for and it was raining\r\n\r\n250\r\n00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:06,000\r\noutside. I remember this because I was driving by and I was like \"what the --?\" they had a bunch of beer and I thought it was Natural Light\r\n\r\n251\r\n00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:11,000\r\nthey were drinking and they were taking their shirts off and dancing around this grave and I was just like, okay whatever.\r\n\r\n252\r\n00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:17,000\r\nYou see some interesting stuff out here. There are some crazies that come through but that's just anywhere you work really.\r\n\r\n253\r\n00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:22,000\r\nWhat do you even do for those people? Well\r\n\r\n254\r\n00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:28,000\r\nentertain their questions and do anything you can for them. So I'm lucky\r\n\r\n255\r\n00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:33,000\r\nin the sense like I said the senior home and the cemetery are separate entities. So if they're\r\n\r\n256\r\n00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:39,000\r\nasking me cemetery questions, which they usually are, I don't have the answers anyway. So I just kinda\r\n\r\n257\r\n00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:44,000\r\njust redirect them to someone on the cemetery side of things. [laughter] like \"Oh someone at the information desk will help you. Okay. Goodbye.\"\r\n\r\n258\r\n00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:49,000\r\n[laughter] So how do you think people cope, or even you cope\r\n\r\n259\r\n00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:55,000\r\nwith being in this professions since perhaps it's maybe emotionally\r\n\r\n260\r\n00:22:55,000 --> 00:23:00,000\r\ntaxing? So there's a lot of drinking for funeral\r\n\r\n261\r\n00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:05,000\r\ndirectors. There's actually a lot of companies even too, that\r\n\r\n262\r\n00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:10,000\r\none of the highest problems with funeral directors, is alcoholism. However\r\n\r\n263\r\n00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:15,000\r\npersonally, I like to do walks. I just bought my first house back in July.\r\n\r\n264\r\n00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:21,000\r\nThat's where I get a lot of my emotions out just working around the house and doing landscaping.\r\n\r\n265\r\n00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:26,000\r\nWas this lifestyle working as a funeral director and the funeral business hard\r\n\r\n266\r\n00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:32,000\r\nto adjust to? It was at first. You kinda get used to it after a minute.\r\n\r\n267\r\n00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:37,000\r\nIt always changes to cause then if we get like a heavy caseload, I might not get\r\n\r\n268\r\n00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:42,000\r\nthat day off and then okay, well I'll take this day off instead and well if we're then still busy you just don't get that\r\n\r\n269\r\n00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:47,000\r\nday off. So it's affected my personal life a lot when it comes to\r\n\r\n270\r\n00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:52,000\r\nlike making new friends and having a relationship because you kinda\r\n\r\n271\r\n00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:57,000\r\nyou almost have to be with someone in the business or a nurse or something who understand the crazy\r\n\r\n272\r\n00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:03,000\r\non-call hours and the \"Hey I can't make this, this happened.\" or \"Hey I'm sorry I can't make the Christmas\r\n\r\n273\r\n00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:08,000\r\nparty this happened.\" You know? If you don't have someone that's understanding like that, then it's like well there goes that.\r\n\r\n274\r\n00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:13,000\r\nCan you date somebody outside of the business? It can't happen. Regards to what\r\n\r\n275\r\n00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,000\r\nyou said with the relationships, because a lot of people that happen nine to five job they just think \"Oh you work for the\r\n\r\n276\r\n00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:24,000\r\nfuneral home.\" Most people aren't fully educated on the coming and goings\r\n\r\n277\r\n00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:29,000\r\nof it. So if you make plans to get with someone you're dating\r\n\r\n278\r\n00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:34,000\r\nand they want you to meet their parents and come around Saturday for lunch it's like \"I have a funeral to attend to.\" \"Oh okay.\"\r\n\r\n279\r\n00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:40,000\r\nWell then the third or fourth time that happens and you know if they're not in the business, they don't understand, or\r\n\r\n280\r\n00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:45,000\r\naren't the kind of person that can adjust their lives to yours like that, then that relationship isn't\r\n\r\n281\r\n00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:50,000\r\ngoing to work. Another peculiar question I had was, what are some\r\n\r\n282\r\n00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:55,000\r\ninteresting ways cremains can be laid to rest?\r\n\r\n283\r\n00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:00,000\r\nIn regards to that we do, we have the capability to shoot me remains up in the space now too. I've\r\n\r\n284\r\n00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:05,000\r\nhad some families recently started inquiring about it and they just lowered all the costs so\r\n\r\n285\r\n00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:10,000\r\nthat it's now more affordable for people in the Midwest. Like shooting the cremated remains up and then\r\n\r\n286\r\n00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:16,000\r\nthey fall back to Earth in their capsule. There's another one where they're sitting in orbit\r\n\r\n287\r\n00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:21,000\r\nfor ten years and disintegrate coming back into the atmosphere. Then there's another one where they'll shoot it out to\r\n\r\n288\r\n00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:26,000\r\nthe moon and then the final one where they're sent on their eternal voyage. Yeah there's\r\n\r\n289\r\n00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:31,000\r\npeople who have brought in like Jack Daniels bottles and they want that to be the urn.\r\n\r\n290\r\n00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:36,000\r\nWere those past funeral directors?\r\n\r\n291\r\n00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:42,000\r\nNo, no, people get those are usually just people you find. Those are usually the ones you call the cops on if you see them out in the cemetery. Just kidding. [laughter]\r\n\r\n292\r\n00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:47,000\r\nSo really anything can be considered an urn as long as it's in its original container with\r\n\r\n293\r\n00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:53,000\r\nseals. So I guess that you can do that, I actually once had a family bring in a shoe box.\r\n\r\n294\r\n00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:58,000\r\nSo that technically was considered and urn\r\n\r\n295\r\n00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:03,000\r\nthat one was a while ago and was a little weird. Oh! So you asked about interesting cases and\r\n\r\n296\r\n00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,000\r\nthis just refreshed my memory. I had someone calling in asking if\r\n\r\n297\r\n00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:13,000\r\nthey were allowed to consume the cremated remains because she wanted her spouse to be inside\r\n\r\n298\r\n00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:19,000\r\nof her again. So uhhh that was um so\r\n\r\n299\r\n00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:24,000\r\nmy response was, \"Um I don't know.\" [laughter] I guess it's not\r\n\r\n300\r\n00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:29,000\r\ntechnically considered cannibalism because it's no longer human flesh\r\n\r\n301\r\n00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:34,000\r\nor even human DNA at that point. However I wouldn't call\r\n\r\n302\r\n00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:40,000\r\naround or keep telling people that's what you're doing. [inaudible cutoff, laughter] What's something\r\n\r\n303\r\n00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:45,000\r\nthat surprised you about the outside world since you started working as\r\n\r\n304\r\n00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:50,000\r\na funeral director? Has your perception changed at all? So death is the one thing\r\n\r\n305\r\n00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:55,000\r\nthat are we all guaranteed, but it's the one thing that we're also the least educated on.\r\n\r\n306\r\n00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:01,000\r\nWhat advice would you give to people who are thinking about getting into this profession? If\r\n\r\n307\r\n00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:06,000\r\nyou think you want to be in the business you should definitely shadow or research it. For\r\n\r\n308\r\n00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:11,000\r\nexample I started my mortuary class with thirty to forty students. We ended up\r\n\r\n309\r\n00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,000\r\nfinishing with close to sixteen to twenty. Of the sixteen to twenty only\r\n\r\n310\r\n00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:21,000\r\nsix of us are still in the business. You either dedicate your all to it or nothing\r\n\r\n311\r\n00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:27,000\r\nat all. Hey!\r\n\r\n312\r\n00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:34,000\r\nThanks for joining us on our inaugural podcast journey.\r\n\r\n313\r\n00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:40,000\r\nWe'd like to extend a thank you to Jake and to Crown Hill Cemetery for taking time out to entertain\r\n\r\n314\r\n00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:45,000\r\nour odd questions. We hope to post more\r\n\r\n315\r\n00:27:45,000 --> 00:30:39,656\r\nepisodes in the coming future. And remember, [in unison] stay spooky!!!\r\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
1 00:00:00,000 –> 00:00:11,000 [Theme song] This path will lead you to an unholy place, a cemetery [music instrumental] 2 00:00:11,000 –> 00:00:16,000 Hi and welcome to, Beyond the Grave. Continue Reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9195914,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9195914"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":66,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56\/revisions\/66"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.butler.edu\/hayanna303\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}