Here are the three Onion articles. Enjoy—
And in case this is your first exposure to The Onion, below is a little context so you don’t walk into class, proclaiming, like one of my students last year, “That was the weirdest newspaper I’ve ever read.”
The satirical newspaper The Onion was founded in 1988 at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. Originally a weekly humor print publication targeting a local student population, The Onion is today a booming news organization known as America’s Finest News Source.
The launch of TheOnion.com in 1996 expanded its signature brand of satire to a national and international audience. Online expansion opened doors to growth in a multitude of areas. The company has become an omnipotent news empire, reaching millions of fans through print, broadcast, radio, mobile apps, books, and, in January 2011, two new television shows on the Independent Film Channel and Comedy Central. The website continues to be the nucleus of all The Onion does, described by TIME magazine as “the funniest site on the Internet.”